1750
sometimes i get into these moods where i just feel like i am nothing.
even though i am married and i know that my husband loves me i still wonder about his past relations when we were broke up.
i wonder if i am good enough..if the other girl was prettier or skinnier…you know stupid shit like that. i remember that he told me once that he would have married her just because she did shit for him…like she waited on him hand and foot…so for a while i did that, thinking that if i didnt that he would leave me. then i just started to get so tired that i couldnt keep up or something like that.
now its been like two weeks since we have been married and i need my depo shot and i keep having all of these damn emotions that i dont understand and its fucking up our relationship..i get my shot tomorrow and i hope that it will take all of these “im not good enough” feelings away. i just wonder if he really understands why i feel this way….
when we were broke up he wrote alot of poetry that i didnt see until we got back together and now its like he is a whole nother person…all i need is some encouragement and understand ing that i am scared about all of the changes and that i really am happy and i love him greatly with all of my heart…
i would do anything for him…i HAVE done anything for him and i NEVER want to lose him.
i would even join the airforce for him and i am so not the type to go into the service but you know it would help if he would just give me a little encouragement that he would never leave me…or maybe what his view on marrage means to him, because to me it means that you love that person and you never want to leave them no matter what. you are in it forever.
i guess the whole point of me writing this is that i just feel like shit and i need some attention and understanding…..some comfort.
“help”
1106
damn cat and i were playing and he won.
shithead did a sneak attack and jumped on my arm and took me out.
austin is aggrivated with me because his back is hurting ….
wonder if he understands how bad my back hurts me EVERYDAY not just now and again…
yes i am in a bitchy mood….I NEED MY FUCKING SHOT IN THE ARM.
im going nuts. lastnight i started to cry for no reason. and i keep acusing austin of doing all of this shit and there is no way posible for him to do anything that i am acusing him of. im such a shitty wife without my shot. the other downside to not having my shot in the arm besides i could get pregnant is that i have been eating nonstop. no im not pregnant its just a side effect. this i feel is the shit-e-sst one. i keep trying to loose weight but i constantly stay hungry and bitchy. another positively shitty side effect is my nonstop and constant rambling on about absolutly nothing.
{how fucking anoying}
anyways on to more bitching.
my nails….
i had fake nails put on for my wedding and then about five days later i took them off…and of course that wasnt easy…my finger-nail polish wouldnt even touch them and i got pissed and ripped them off.
what a fucking mistake …now they are all broke off into the quick and it hurts.
on top of all the pain i still cant pickat anything, which is the whole reason that i ripped them off in the first place.
now its going to take them forever to grow back and i cant wait.
a tad bit of good news…austin might be shipping of this week…
[wooohoooo]
the sooner he ships out the sooner we get our own place.
ggggs i cant wait.
“No One Comes Close”……..
801
grrr…
the daily life tasks of being married…
come home from work…..
take shower,shave…
have sex.
go to sleep.
wake up and then cook dinner…
what a bunch of shit….
but i guess it works out…you do it for love…
or something like that…..
{yawn}
anyways …aim high or fall flat….
