Chynkeye3’s Weblog

im going to apply for this job as a teachers aid its a government job since i will be working on the base.
the paperwork is hell but i guess you have to work for what you want
i diecided that i am going to go back to school and get my AS in buisness management.
i also talked to my mom today about the whole going to school thing and having a family. i finally said it, i finally told her that school didnt mean as much to me as having a family did. that the most important thing in the world to me is having a familyand being the best mother and wife that i can be. that i dont care about any one elses opinion exept austin's and that i dont want to wait till im 35 to have kids…
i have been really depressed lately about gaining as much weight as i have and about not haveing any kids. i swear to god everybody that i look at has a kid…im going crazy all of our neighbors have kids, everytime i leave the house i see like 2 pregnant people  and everytime i turn on the freakin t.v. sombody is having a kid or pregnant. its driving me crazy. i dont want to do it just cuz everyone else is. its something that i have wanted for a long time but sombody is always saying im either too young, or austin is too young, i dont have my education, hes not ready or that i dont realize what it takes to have a kid. you know what im to the point that i dont give a shit about what anyone else except for austin says. if hes ready to have a family than we are going to have a family and i dont care what freaking country i live in.
i am going to wait until i am done with my first year of college to get off of my depo i am going to be off of the depo for at least a year so that way all of that shit is out of my system…that stuff is some bad shit. i hate being on it and i dont like what it does to my body (exept for the no period thing…that is really nice) but i dont want to get some kind of cancer or tumors or systs that …shit is horrible. so by the time that i am done with the whole waiting period for my depo i will be done with school and then there is no reason for not being able to start a family.
i dont want to say too much to austin about it cuz i dont want him to stress he has enough to deal with…i dont really know how well he is handling his job but he seems exhausted every night when he comes home and i dont want him to think that i am pressuring him into a family…im not, if hes not ready than i can wait…i just dont want to wait for ever.  he wouldnt have to worry about anything…i would be willing to do everything with the kids…i know that he would be a good father thought…anyone that has seen him with kids knows that he will be a good dad. that part im not worried about i just dont want to have kids too soon for him and then have him hating me because i forced him to do somthing that he is not ready for. i dont want to ever get devorced and i know that if i push this on him and he is not ready then it could break us apart. i dont want that to ever happen again…those memeories are ones that i wouldnt mind forgetting. i love him way to much for my own good and i dont want to ever lose him again.
i swear i stress to much about everything
im too impatient
i want everything right now and dont want to wait.
i hate having to wait for things it like when you stay up all night waiting one christmas to come so you can open up all of your presants. thats the way i feel about having kids…im too impatient.

saturday 14, 2004 i went camping at the tama hills recreation area. this place is owned by the military for people to get away and have recreational fun without all of the japanese people around. its like a really big place with a lodge that has a dinning room and hotel like rooms or there are cabins, but we went to the camp sites. they also have a put-put area and tennis and some other stuff but we didnt get to see everything. we checked out a two person tent (by the way we went with these other two people, the guy hutchenson – is a guy that austin works with…hes not a cop but he works in the same area with austin doing computer stuff. the girl was judy – she flew over from california…the two met on the internet and she was visiting for a week. she is cambodian and he is a white boy from louisiana.) a cooler for beer and food like hot dogs,cokes, ketchup , mustard, you know the usual. we bought doughnuts for breakfast. The trip there was really pretty we were on this road and it was compleatly covered over by trees and then at one point on both sides the road had these other trees that had different colored pink,purple, and white flowers on them.
anyways the night started out ok..the trip up the hill to the camp site was gravel somtimes and paved other times…on the way up we saw some japanese amunition hide outs in the side of the ground that were there from WWII that we bombed. they were still in together the buildings were built out of iron or something and the windows were knocked out but it was still standing. the area that is owned by tama hills is like built on an old hide out for the jap people i guess cuz there was two different sites that we saw like this on the way up to the camp site. then we went and put up the tents and set up the camp site. we sat around for a little while and drank a few beers. then it was time to go horse back riding. now this horse back riding trip was highly supervised by this short little japanese guy as the leader yelling at you every time your horse get out of the center of the road or too close to the horse in front of you. the horses new the trail all you had to do is keep them spaced apart and not eating the grass or the tree limbs hanging down. it was a pretty trail but the horses were like really tired and didnt want to do anything that you told them to do. they kept poopin everywhere. man when i got off of the horse my knees were killin me i could barly walk… i dont quite know why this happens to me but it really hurts. ( now my butt hurts) the horses werent gated that well and the ride wasnt very smooth, like i said before the horses were tired i dont think they cared about anything but eating and getting back to the stable. but all in all it was fun. we laughed alot a the poop and at our horses messin around. then we went back and started to gather wood for a fire. we finally got that going and we were eating some hot dogs that we grilled with a stick and we were listening to music out of the other guys car and all of a sudden you hear this clack..clack clack from the car. turns out that the belt for the altanator and power steering split and shreaded a little. this was bad because it wasnt his car…he borrowed it from a friend cuz two days before his car over heated and blew up. but the guy handled it well he wasnt mad he just made the best of it and we all went on having fun. by this time it was getting dark and the guys had been drinking quite a bit and sombody had the great idea that we should go and check out the amunition shelters in the dark. so we walked…now let me remind you that it is like 90 degrees out side and they are drinking beer. personally it was too hot for me to drink so i was sticking to the gatoraid. the walk down the hill was fine…then the guys went into the shelter and looked around…us girls didnt want to go in. the guys said that there was just some chairs and tables left that were broken. then we started walking back…up hill. not fun in the heat. i swear it felt like i sweated like 5 pounds. anyways we got back and rested by playing a drinking game..i didnt really want to play but there where only four of us so i played. after that we tried to sleep but it was so hot i could fall asleep. around four in the morning everybody woke up and munched on some chips and had somthing to drink then we went back to the tents…well around 6 in the morning it decided to start raining. so we had to get up and put on the rain thing cuz we couldnt check out and pay for everything until 8. boy that was the longest two hours ever but at least the rain cooled everything off enough to sleep. by the time that we could leave the tents were soaked and all muddy with brown clay. so you can imagine that we had lots of fun getting everything rolled back up and put into the holders. what a mess. all in all we had fun but everybody was tired comming home and getting everything cleaned and taken back.  it was different but at least we were out of the house and off of the base.

Well I just finnished walking around the little strip outside the Fussa gate. I guess that I decided to go out too early cuz nothing was open…nothing opened until 11:00 and I left at 9:30…I walked around until 11:15 but still nothing was open and I decide to say fuck that..I walked back.

Guess that Japanese people sleep longer than Americans do there ass dont get up and going till 11.

I walked back and went to the YCC and there was a Japanese shop in there that was having a sale so I stopped in and left with these gigantic wall scrolls. I know that Austin will love them…they are really nice. One of them has a big dragon and a big tiger on it. The other one has a bird and some bamboo with an other big tiger on it. They both say Japan on the bottom. they are gold and black. I love them…i just need something to go in the middle of it cuz there is a big space…. I think that I already know what I am going to put in the middle…one of those wooden circles that is carved out with dragons or flowers on it…
anyways im getting boaring…and I need to do some housework
later