ADD
I swear to goddess I must have a.d.d. or something. I always tell my mom that she has it but I find that since I have had my little fiasco with the depo shot and then being pregnant and having pregnancy brain, I have totally lost it. I get so easily side-tracked. for example: today i was cleaning the house, i cant just clean one room at a time i have to go from one room to the next and then back again, then right in the middle of doing that i decided oh i have to do some laundry so i didn’t finish cleaning i went and did laundry. in the middle of that i decided that i wanted a grilled roast beef and swiss sandwich so i threw one one the George foreman and got sidetracked getting all of the laundry out of my room, thus burning my sandwich that i forgot about until i smelled it burning. it was still edible though just a little more crispy than i like.
i try to stick to things but somehow it just never works out that i actually finish them. if i do its a freaking miracle.
my room
Finally after almost 6 years I have my dream bedroom. Here are the pics.
lili's new room
I went out to the BX tra and returned $250.00 lighter with some really cute stuff. The following are pictures of the immensly adorable furnatures i bought for lili’s room.
5 am
i cant believe that i have been up since five. holy crap when lili doesn’t feel good she makes it a point to not let anyone else feel good either. she woke up this morning with a pretty good fever. she was thirsty, but i cant get her to eat anything. every since then she has been sitting on the couch watching baby Einstein. she is just kind of laying around the house. i feel so bad for her, its times like these that i wish i could take all of her pain away.
she doesn’t seem to be sick, she isn’t coughing and she has no signs of a messed up nose or anything like that. i think that she is teething, she has no appetite and she is grumpy all the time,plus she wants to chew on austins tooth brush all day long. i had to go buy him a new one cuz she chewed his all up.
I don’t know what teeth are supposed to be coming in and i am afraid to put my finger in her mouth to feel, the last time i tried that little miss queeny tried to bit me finger off. she literally drew blood. i guess the only thing that i can do is keep her dosed up on the tylenol.
hopefully she will want to go back to sleep sometime soon. i need more sleep and i think my zyrtec and singular are about to kick my ass.
the house
Holy shit! I have had enough. Liliona keeps getting into everything and i can no longer take the minotony of her distruction. So, with that in mind I went around my house with a trash bag and every flat surface in my house that had clutter on it I liberated of its imprisonment.
that was no small feat in its self because in my house i have piles of stuff everywhere. there is so much that it always looks messy and its not. everything is clean i just have shit all over the place.
So I cleaned my entire living room, dining room, my bedroom, lili’s bedroom, and both bathrooms. Plus i hung up some shelving in my room so that way there is nothing on there for lili to get into and try to eat. She has been pulling my lotion, perfume, deoderant, and other things off of there and tries to eat it, sometimes accomplishing her task if i dont catch her in time. I was so tired of her always getting into stuff i was going out of my mind. so i finally got off of my lazy ass and did something about it.
I also tackled my shelving around the tv. i took the whole thing apart practically twice trying to get the shelves in the right place. there was one extra that was not in there and it added more room to make things look nicer. it wouldnt have been such a bad thing to do if not for the constant dropping of the nuts and bolts. every time i took one out my fucking clutzy ass would drop it on the ground. or would drop the screwdriver. it was like my hands had never grasped anything before. like they decided “oh now might be a good time to not work, lets see how pissed off she will be.” It only took me three hours to fucking take it apart and put back together when it should have only taken me a half hour. oh well, you live and learn, apparently.
the only things i didnt get around to doing are the laundry and the kitchen. those two things would take all day just buy themselves.
Austin came home and was in a state of shock, he kept saying how good the house looked. it was like i had never cleaned before or something. in a way it made me feel good in another it was like, i fucking clean everyday and you only notice now? I guess i have to give him some credit though cuz all of the clutter does make it seem like i do nothing.
fucking teeth
In case you didn’t guess it from the title, i had another teeth dream.
this one has to be the worst one, by far that i have ever had.
I had woke up in my dream and went first thing to the kitchen like i always do to get a bowl of cereal. it was when i started to eat that i noticed my k-9’s were loose and the gums were all swollen. as i touched them in my mouth they fell out. one cracked and split in half revealing that it was hallow in the inside. they weren’t all nice and shinny either they were placky yellow and then started to grow these little back spots of something weird on them. I started to freak out in my dream, Dave my step-dad was there and kept asking me what was going on. I was rushing about my room getting dressed on the phone with elaine so she could watch lili for me while i go to the emergency room. as soon as i hung up the phone, i was explaining what happened to dave when he said lets take a look. as i opened my mouth to show him what happened my whole top jaw came out. i was mortified. like pissing in my pants mortified. I ran out of the house, cell phone in one hand and jumped in my car hauling ass for the hospital, teeth& jaw in the other.
when i made it to the hospital everything was calm in the inside, it looked like seattle grace, that just goes to show i have been watching way too much tv lately. the chick at the desk ended up being a doctor and just as she was about to take me back to fix everything elaine showed up at the hospital with lili, the weird thing was lili was only about five or six months old, sitting in her car seat with only a diaper on and she had all of of these spots on her head were it looked like blood under her skin. i started to look at her all over and her whole stomach and both legs were the same way. i started crying and asked her what was wrong. of course she could tell me, i looked at elaine and started yelling at her “what have you done?” Elaine said she had done nothing. i scooped lili up and started running to the ER desk.
In real life lili started to make noise and I woke up from my horrifying nap.
I guess the only thing i can do now is wait and see what happens.
fucking teeth
new camera
Well my birthday is actually today but austin bought me my really expensive, totally fucking awesome present on the tenth. He bought me a canon EOS rebel xti 400D camera that I have been wanting for the last two years. He woke me up from my afternoon nap. I kept saying I wanted to wait until today to open it cuz i wanted something ON my bday, he threatened to take it back to the store if i didn’t open it up right then. So I woke up and there it was. Its beautiful.
there happens to be a funny little story that goes along with the purchasing of the camera. Austin said that when he was standing there looking at the camera this guy walked up and offered him $50.00 to NOT buy it. Turns out the guy drove all the way from Yukoska to buy this thing and the one austin had in his had was the last one. Austin of course told the guy sorry about your luck but my wife has been wanting this for a long time. Hahahaha I win although I do kinda feel sorry for the guy.
anyways the next day after my new camera austin throws a semi-surprise party at the neighbors house. it was really nice. he invited joe and cici with the baby. elliot and becka are great. we had mexican food and the guys played madden 2008 while the girls talked. becca and elliot pitched in for the food and joe and cici got me some cool presents. I now have this orgasmic poster book of JOHNNY DEPP!!!! along with this really neat book that has all of these pictures of famous women when they first wake up. you cant believe how many naked chicks are in this tiny little book. *in heaven*. they also kept the tradition alive and bought me a beautiful little metal elephant! i was so happy that someone remembered to buy me one. I look forward to getting an elephant for my birthday. I now have 11 pieces.
after that we all sat around an played guitar hero, talked about religion and other things, joe and cici had to go cuz adi was getting tired(actually fell asleep in cici’s, arms so adorable). then the boatman’s and schellers played scatagories.
all in all i had a really wonderful night. We don’t have many friends anymore that are here but i really enjoy doing things with the ones we do have.
no cleverness today
i often view my life as one that might be worth reading by my daughter sometime after i die. you know like in one of those old-time movies where someone finds a journal and starts reading it and there are all of these amazing stories in it.
i have so many journals laying around my house that have been written in spratically over the years. i wish that i was committed enough to write my life down every day. i have way to many thoughts all of the time to commit them all to paper. i would be writing all day long. there is never a silent moment inside of my head. not even when i am sleeping. i guess that is why meditation never worked for me, i cant “clear” my mind. there is always something in there going on.
i must admit my life is very dull.
i wish that it could be thrilling like ellen rimboughers’ or something like that, but alas i dont have the guts to cheat on my husband, hopefully he doesnt either. for the most part has been very attentive and loving.
sometimes i miss the drama and excitement of the “shit happens” life.
other times i am content with the “peace and love” life.
onions!
I can’t believe what my daughter just did. It so confirms that she is a carbon copy of my mother.
When I was a teenager my mother told me about when she was like two or three and she was caught in her grandmothers cabinet chomping on some yellow onions like they were apples.
Tonight I was in the kitchen making a cal zone when lili ran up to me and pointed to the onion I was about to cut up and said apple. I looked down and said “no, it’s and onion.” she kept going on about apple and pointing then said “eat” so I thought if she smelled it or tasted it she would go back to playing with her toys. Nope, she licked it and made a funny little *humm* look. Then she took another lick. Again with the funny face, then she took a bite.
After that she ate half the onion. I didn’t let her eat anymore for fear of a stomach ache.
too cute!
Out in the open, and feeling empowered
this morning i got up did the usual and then decided that i should go to the store before austin when to work. i put on a pair of plain black pants and a plain red shirt. i spiced it up a bit with a black sash around my chest just under my tata’s. i put a cute little fake red rose in my hair, and a nice pair of black heels. I felt really cute and kinda sexy. its been a long time since i felt like that. its so crazy that a black sash and a flower in my hair made me feel like that. I have never been big on the whole accessorizing thing but it think that i could seriously get the hang of it if that is how it made me feel every time. i really miss that feeling. i miss getting the looks when i am walking around in public. i miss getting hit on and having to turn them down cuz im seeing someone/married. i think that i finally just found my motivation for getting into shape and looking good again.
i think that i can finally put the “past” behind me and start getting on with my life the way i should. No more fat ugly tilynn, i can be beautiful and maybe i will make austin start teaching me karate so that i wont ever be raped again and feel like i have felt for the last 4 1/2 years. I want to be crazy exploring sex crazed tilynn again. I am on my way back people, so look out world here i come.
