Chynkeye3’s Weblog

I just figured out how to send moble updates to my face book account. right after that I figured out how to send pictures to it too. I love technology when it works. FRACKING AWESOME!!!!!!! (YES i am a battlestar galactica dork)

I’ve been thinking lately about my life, where it has been and where it is headed. for as long as i can remember i have felt like i am lost. i don’t really have a path in life. i don’t have that clear idea in my head of what i am. its like you know when you get asked when you are a little kid what do you want to be when you grow up? well, my answer is too many things. My mom once said that i was a jack of all trades but master of none. well she was right. i am not a master of anything and i have so many interests i don’t know where to begin. i feel like i am wasting my life away not knowing what i want to do with it. i am so tired and flustered with the way that i have “turned out”.

assuming that i will live for a hundred years, i am already one third of the way done with my life and still have no calling. I know in my heart of hearts that i am an artist, but that will never make me any money. so what am it to do. i am scared to death of being a failure, so i guess that is why i haven’t put myself out there. I so badly want to go to school for something but don’t know what that something should be.

Well we have another one that moved in. Don’t remember if i mentioned it before but we have one of austins friends that he works with living with us since the middle of january. His name is Matt Hemphill, and he brought with him his two dogs, Meryl and Bear. Well that makes three adults, one child and three dogs in one house. Oh, did i mention that the house is only 1100sq foot? that includes the garage.

After that settled down for two weeks we have another room mate arrive. This one is an old friend of austin’s that lived with him when we first started dating over ten years ago. Robert Everson. Hes a good guy, i have been talking with him for a while i basically vent to him and he tells me about his goings on with his security job and what the army recruiters are doing with his paperwork and his enlistment.

He was tired of being in Michigan and it was really cold, along with the job that he had was shafting him on his hours. There weren’t any jobs up there so i kept telling him to come down here cus there were plenty of jobs, yeah they dont pay outrageously well but -

The following is an essay that I wrote for a college english class that I took.  I am putting it on here so that way it will not be lost next time I need it.

Caught

Don’t get caught. Those three infamous words were my curse. Three months after hearing those words I found myself in a life that wasn’t mine. I was surrounded by people who made me afraid. Drug dealers, murders, rapists, robbers; these were my new classmates. I no longer woke up two hours early in the morning to do my hair and make-up. I didn’t want to be noticed. I just wanted to fade away and never be seen again. I had done this to myself. What was it that turned my world upside down you ask? I had been caught.

I was at school when it happened. Being the mindless teenager that I was, I went with some friends behind the band room to go smoke a cigarette. Just as we all were finishing our cancer sticks the assistant principle decided to be nosey and sneak up from behind. As soon as we heard her voice we all made a mad dash for the cafeteria. I panicked and threw my stash of weed on the ground in front of the band room door. The assistant principal made us all stop dead in our tracks yelling at us that she knew who we all were and if we didn’t stop we all would be suspended for a month. We all came to a screeching halt and listened to what she had to say. “Empty out your pockets! I want all the cigarettes and lighters. If you cooperate then you can go back to class with an after-school detention and nothing more.” So we did.

Just as I thought luck was on my side, it decided to kick me in the butt. The assistant principal had an urgent phone call that she had to take, and, where of all places do you think she took it? Yep, that’s right, the band room. Everything was fine as she was walking in, it was her trip out that fate decided to play its cruel little joke. As she was walking out her heal caught on the plastic bag with my weed in it, making her stumble. She said in her smooth whisky voice, “What do we have here?” No one said a word. I began to sweat, but managed to play it cool. She walked from person to person staring us down. You could feel her big black eyes trying to probe your brain.

At last the bell rang for us to go to our next class. Before any of us could leave she took our names down and gave us all a very stern warning that just because no one was confessing didn’t mean they wouldn’t find out whose it was. The school would be calling the police and getting the bag fingerprinted. It was just a matter of time before we would be caught.

The next five days were a complete blur. With much “coercion” from my family, I ended up returning to school the next day to confess my stupidity. The cops were called and I was arrested on paper. They decided to be lenient on me because I agreed to write a statement of how I acquired the illegal drug. My school had started a “Zero Tolerance” policy only a few months before my little fiasco, so with that in mind they decided to expel me. Expulsion? Why me? I had never been in trouble in school my entire life and then BOOM just like that I get expelled! Just the week before Zach Morrison was caught with an eight ball and he only got suspended for 20 days. Now all of a sudden the school felt the need to make an example out of me? Why of course, fate said. So without further adieu I was escorted to my locker and made to take out its contents then I went to each class and returned my books and any finished work. Once that was completed I was marched to my mom’s car and was told until further notice the school grounds and twenty feet surrounding the school were off limits.

The next morning when I awoke my mother told me I would be starting my new school. She had enrolled me in the Boy’s Ranch. Now in case you didn’t know: I am a girl. My mom was telling me I would be attending a Boy’s Ranch? Confused? I was.

I sat in the principal’s office listening to him explain the rules and the consequences of my actions from my previous school then go on to explain how “things were” and how they were going to work at “his school.” I was informed that there would be three teachers to a classroom who were trained in full contact restraining methods. After that delightful little tidbit of info I was shown to my new classroom.

The next month was spent trying to be invisible. I quickly discovered I was only one of ten girls that attended the school, which held 600 students. I felt completely out of place. When I walked the halls I received catcalls and explicit invitations. I felt like I was the only female in a prison of sex-crazed men. I had to be extremely cautious and never let my guard down.

After twenty-eight excruciating days the sick joke had run its course. My mother sat me down in the family room and explained that she and my step-dad went in front of the school board and won an appeal. I was going to be allowed to return to my school. She told me there would be certain conditions, of course, but I could start as soon as the paperwork went through. Yes! Finally some one “up there” was listening.

Nothing ever returned to how it was before my incident. Like a snake sheds its skin, I shed my old life. I dropped my old friends, paid more attention to my school work and didn’t care quite so much about what everyone else was doing.

The moral of my story: Don’t get caught!

So the one on the 11th never happened, things took a turn for the worst on my side. I ended up having to go to the emergency room for more medication because the z-pack they put me on decided to do absolutely nothing for me. I thought that it was supposed to be some sort of awesome antibiotic. Well whatever it was that I had said f*&^k that stuff and had a good ole time breeding away in my sinuses and lungs.  The pain in my head was so excruciatingly  horrible that a percoset barely touched it. (Yes, I am a LEGAL pill popper and anyone who says they aren’t is a big fat liar!)

So I basically stayed in bed for like three days.  Austin took care of lili and I got up to cook and picking up a little bit. I haven’t been that freakin sick in a long time. The second doc hooked me up though. He gave me like 8 prescriptions. The only ones that I took though where the sudafed non drowsy and the amoxacillin. I decided to take the darvacet only when absolutely necessary. (you know for one of those rainy days when you just want to pull your hair out cuz your child thinks that screaming inside sounds cool when it echos….)

I ended up going to Florida two weeks later. I drove myself all the way there with no problems. I talked to my friend Laura, mom and Elaine called to check on me every so often. I thought that when I got there I would be dead tired but I was probably running on adrenalin, cuz I went to lay down and after Austin called I was wide awake. So me and mom got up and went shopping. I was really good I had allotted myself 300.00 to spend and I didn’t really go over that the whole time i was there.

I bought two  new tops for myself and a whole bunch of clothes for lili, and a pair of shorts for Austin.

I love shopping with my mom. It’s like therapeutic. It makes me feel good. I miss it.

Then there was the day of the play. Me and mom went shopping again that morning and then I went to the play house early. I was not expecting there to be so many elderly people their with the kind of content that the play was. (The Full Monty).  It was insane. I was like one of five young people there and the poor lady that i was sitting next to on my right had the worst breath. It made me mad that I don’t carry mints in my purse, so I could put one in my mouth so as not to smell anything else.

It is so fitting with Elaine’s personality that she was cast in this play. She loves everything male, especially when they are nude. lol!!!! The little nympho hahahaha. She was awesome, and beautiful, and sexy, and naughty(in that awesome freakin sheriffs uniform.) I was in absolute shock when I saw she was wearing a dress in the funeral scene.  I was like, “shit where is my camera when I need it.!!!” I wanted to take a picture cuz the next time it will probably happen will be my funeral. lol.  It’s funny, cuz later that night Charles and I were talking and he commented on the dress thing too….You would think that I wouldn’t focus on such a retarded thing like fashion when I’m watching a play but i was just so shocking, (if you know Elaine then you know what I mean). I loved it when she was playing the dance instructor, I watched the way that her hand moved, it was so graceful and elegant. (again another weird thing to focus on I know but thats just me.) It was like she was telling a story with her hands. That was one of my favorite scenes. The other is when the big beautiful black guy was singing his first song….it was so funny.

After the play I actually got to be onstage, Elaine took me and showed me around. It was instant nervousness when i just walked from one edge of the stage to the stairs. I am such a big ass dork. She introduced me to a few people. I was acquired by the young boy in the play as his new girlfriend. He is such a cutie. He is going to be such a heart breaker when he gets older with such beautiful eyes and dark skin. I couldn’t tell if he was Italian or arabic, he kinda look like both. He was a sweet heart and from what Elaine to me later on he was a tad bit nieve. That just makes him all the more preciouse. He asked me a few questions and me an Elaine had him stumped on how we could be sisters and only be one month apart in age. We had to explaine it to him and then you could see the lightbulb go off in his facial expression. After a short little laugh about that Elaine and I had to run some errands. She had a personal problem and we went to publix to get a few necessities. She ran into some of her caring canine friends in there and stopped to talk while i used the ladies room.  My monthly decided to show up just in time for me not to panic and think our nice tidy one child family, would get any bigger. From publix we headed back toward the theater. There was a presidents day celebration/block party going on and the director or producer whomever didn’t want the actors to stray far from the theater in case they couldn’t find any parking. So we had a little bit of time left and we went into a nice quaint little tea house and had something to eat.

we talked a little and I discovered that she is going through the same thing that I am. I don’t really understand why she of all people would be feeling the way that she is, considering all of her huge accomplishments thus far in life. She graduated college the same night that she did high school, she kept on going to school and got her bachelors degree, she has a great career at the 911 operators helping to save lives everyday. She moved out of her moms house and bought one with her husband. They do charities and fund raising and all of that cool stuff. I don’t know maybe everyone reaches a point in their lives where the accomplishments that they have are just not good enough.  Maybe I’m not just the only one.

After our lunch I walked her back to the theater and we discussed where and when I should be back to meet her. She had invited me to go out with her and some of the actors to a bar around the corner from there after they finished the second show. So we said our laters and I decided to go back to Target for the second time that day. I left Elaine around 8 or 8:30 and I didn’t have to be back until 11:00 So I walked around Target for like two hours and then they were closing. So I purchased this awesome green metallic fingernail polish that matched my new purse…I sat in the truck and painted my fingernails for a little while and then I called my mom. I talked to her for a few about random stuff and then I talked to Laura for a while. I got bored with that and decided to call up Austin’s brother s wife to see what Candice and all of them were up to. they were eating at a place called shuck, apparently its and oyster bar. It smelled really bad but they seemed to enjoy the food. I sat and talked with them for a little while. Sherry informed me that her billy and Mikey will be coming to visit in April. I haven’t got a clue as to where we are going to put them in the house. I guess we will kick Robert to the couch and do blow up mattresses in the living room for Mikey and one in the bedroom for billy and Sherry.That is the only thing that I can think of for now.

After visiting with them I drove around a little and then decided to head back up to the theater. I sat out front for a while and this quaint little elderly couple walked past asking me if I had seen the play. I told them I had and that I enjoyed it, they replied that they saw the first act and then prompltly left and didn’t return. I understand their revolt, they came from a different era, and if they were strongly religious it all combined makes sence. This was a play that had vulgarity, male nudity, and strong undertones of homosexuality. I personally loved it.

So after that I heard clapping and cheering so I decided to move around the back of the theater to wait for Elaine to come out. I was soon joined by her husband and we had a good conversation about his job and the pizzaria across the alley from where we were sitting. We watched as the players started sauntering  out of the exit. We waited for Elaine to come out and then we all headed over to the bar around the corner.

The bar was fine at first people were talking to me and asking me questions. It was nice, then some other people joined us and I moved to another table with charles. thats when it got boring, I couldn’t really hear any of the conversation because it was so loud in the bar. So I just drank my rum and coke and watched the tele for a while. I was so bored out of my mind and I was getting a little aggitated cuz I had drove so freakin far to spend time with elaine and then we weren’t even talking. I was pissed. I decided to crunch myself next to and patially under one of the tables so i could sit next to elaine and at least have a converstaion. We all finished our drinks and some of the other people started to leave. We decided to go to. I know Elaine was tired. we ended up talking in the parking lot for another hour or so. It aws a nice chat. Then the night came to a close and I went home.

The next day mom had invited Wayne and Melissa over for breakfast. That also was a good visit. When they left I packed my things and said my good byes to mom and dave and continued my journey home. j

It was a long drive home, longer than going to florida for i was stuck in traffic at a complete stand still for over a half an hour and then it took me another hour to drive 10 miles through some stupid ass construction. I made it home and was really tired.

All in all it was a really nice trip.